Saturday, December 20

LESSONS

My mother taught me that you cannot expect anything from a guy. She thinks a relationship is unpaid slavery, where you have to cook and clean and prostitute yourself for less than you are worth. Lesson number one: do not prostitute yourself for less than you are worth. Lesson number two: at all times, do not forget to show your breasts. If there is one sin in life it is to be ashamed of your body, how could you not be proud? My mother lectured me a lot about the body, how it is equally important as the mind. She also said that if I’d sleep around I’d lose touch with my soul. That would be the biggest punishment, to not be able to connect with anyone, not even with yourself. She thinks the right person is someone who helps you in times of trouble, and who has some mechanical skills. She says that marriage is a prison, and instead of being an inmate, you should be out there enjoying yourself. But then I tell her that she has to stop, that it is time for me to get the latest wonderbra.