Sunday, February 8

OLD FASHIONED

If I haven’t written for a while it’s because I was overloaded with work and had the flue. On top of that something very embarrassing happened: one morning I woke up and realised I was falling in love. How can Margot, the unstoppable sex machine, the woman who has no emotions, who is out there to enjoy herself, fall victim to such an old fashioned feeling, one she thought she had forever erased from her life? Maybe it started because of something Moto taxi guy said when I came back to Paris, something about the fear to commit. “I’ve noticed you always buy one bottle of shampoo at the time,” he said, as if he had done some major discovery. “So what,” I answered, not knowing what he was aiming at. “You know that’s a trait of people who are afraid to commit. They never have a collection of toothpaste or shampoo, they always buy one item when they shop.”
It’s something I had never thought of before, but I guess it was a simple truth.
If my fear of commitment even shows up in my non-existent collection of toothpaste, perhaps it is time to move on. I wanted to defend myself but he said: “Look, just think about it, I always buy ten bottles of shampoo at the time. The things I need must be within reach.”
So I had a long thought that evening about what I want from life. We didn’t have sex, even though it would have been easy. For the first time in ages I knew that being close would make me grow more fond of him. I don’t want to change the way I live. I cannot imagine a cupboard full of shampoo.