Monday, May 18

CHANGE IT BACK

After C.’s wedding I spent exactly one day feeling sorry for myself. I ate croissants in bed and had three cups of coffee whereas I would normally have one. I didn’t get dressed and watched three dvd’s in my pyjamas (Zelig, Volver and Girl with a Pearl Earring) wondering what on earth I should do with my life. There would always be orphans in Vietnam I could rescue, or I could join the navy or a convent or grow vegetables in Southern France. If you forgot about love and money life seemed so full of possibilities. In the evening a friend from Spain called announcing that he made his girlfriend pregnant, and I wondered: should I maybe move back to Madrid? It seemed that the only way to be happy was to keep moving, just in order not to feel the pain. Then I got a message from my mother, which read: HELLO DEAR HOW WAS THE WEDDING AND WHAT DID THEY SAY ABOUT THE DRESS DID YOU GIVE YOUR PRESENT AND HOW WAS THE FOOD? COULD YOU TELL ME WHY I HAVE EVERYTHING IN CAPITALS I REALLY DON’’T KNOW HOW TO CHANGE IT BACK AND LET ME KNOW IF YOU HAVE ANY NEWS FROM YOUR LAST SESSION WITH THE ACUPUNCTURIST. So I wrote back and decided I would stick around for some more time. It sort of feels like I am needed here.