Monday, May 4


This weekend I went to Amsterdam to meet up with my friend C. As you may know C. is getting married this month. She picked me up from Central Station wearing her favourite raincoat and sneakers. For a bride to be she seemed very calm, almost serene. We had coffee and cheese cake at a rundown cafe which appeared to be a hangout for Italian tourists. Compared to some of the tourists I felt like an adult, a feeling I had previously never had before. Life seemed easy, I wasn’t pregnant, there was nothing to worry about. C. and I have been friends for almost a lifetime, and it feels like she will now enter a whole new world. Sometimes I feel like I’m on the outskirts of her reality, but she probably feels she’s on the outskirts of mine. Even though I would never say it, marriage just seems like such a huge step to take. While walking through the city she asked me was I happy and I told her that I was. My fling with a married man wasn’t mentioned, I felt it was inappropriate to mention to a bride-to-be. Instead I asked about her clothes and if she had found matching underwear. I told her I had bought a new red dress, especially for her big day. ‘Wasn’t there someone who once gave you a red dress?’ she asked. ‘A genius who turned into a jerk?’ I told her life was much too short to wear the same dress twice.