Friday, April 26


Finished reading “Metronome”, a great book about the history of Paris by Lorant Deutsch. Lorant describes the history of Paris by using the names of Metro stations as a starting point, quite an original idea. One of the stories which I liked a lot was about a woman called Casque d’Or  (real name: Amélie Hélie). She was a prostitute with apparently exceptional good looks and beautiful blond hair.  In 1900, at age twenty-two, she met a guy called Marius Pleigneur, a young labourer. To keep Casque d’Or he had to enter her world; he became a pimp and leader of a criminal gang. Casque d’Or however quickly grew tired of him. She started an affair with a Corsican called Dominque Leca, who was the leader of a rivalling gang. Marius was devastated of course. He got his gun and on the 9th of January, 1902, Dominique Leca was hit by two bullets. Leca collapsed, but recovered quickly. A few days later, while leaving the hospital, Marius attacked him again, this time with a knife. Both were arrested and sent to Guyana to work in a prisoners camp. And Casque d’Or? She married another man and died poor and forgotten at age fifty five.       

Thursday, April 18


For the first time in my life this strange thing has happened: I have a crush on someone younger than me. I guess it could mean a few things a) my midlife crisis has officially started b) on the inside I’m really twenty-two c) I’m a pervert and a cradle snatcher or d) all of the above. He’s a twenty-something young American with a great smile and fluffy hair, who doesn't seem to notice me. Because I was bored I compared our horoscopes on, to see if there was any sexual compatibility. This is what the website said: “Your lovemaking sessions take you to places neither of you has ever gone before; you connect on a spiritual, even psychic level, and your lovemaking becomes a path toward another realm of existence. This may actually be draining for you; you may feel that you've gone too far together -- not in the sense of the sexual act itself, but in the way that it has transported you to a seemingly completely other dimension than what you know as "reality." So I guess I have no choice, I have to sleep with him.

Tuesday, April 16


In January I got two marriage proposals, which was a bit more than the month before. My Italian friend and I were having dinner at a department store, where I had just finished a greasy salad. I do not consider department stores very romantic, but perhaps my friend thought otherwise. He smiled, took my hand and said: “Margot, I would like you to come home with me, as my wife.” It sounded like a decision that was already made, all I had to do was nod. His home would be my home, I would live in a sunny area and turn into a pet. Maybe I wouldn’t mind being someone’s possession, my weaknesses could suddenly become my strengths. My friend caressed my fingers while other people stared at us. It felt like being given the choice between independence and security; an impossible choice to make.