Monday, December 9


The weather in Paris was as I wished it would be; it wasn’t cloudy, it didn’t rain, and on some days you could even see the sun. While walking through the city I wanted to trick my brain into believing I was happy, after all, this was Paris, the uncontested ancient capital of happiness. Moto taxi guy was still living at the same place, he still didn’t have a kitchen, just a water cooker and a microwave. Being with him made me feel younger, and somehow I hoped that he would notice that. I wore more make-up than usual, applied pink and brown eye shadow, thinking he might comment when he looked at me. We had sex on the carpet, which was uncomfortable of course. Afterwards we went for a walk down the Champs Elysees. I wanted him to hold my hand, to tell me something like: “Margot, I’ve missed your strength, your tenderness.” Like Whitney Houston I was looking for love in all the wrong places.